This week on the Wealthy Wellthy Podcast I speak with Relationship Transformation Expert and founder of Relationship Alchemy™, two-time TEDx Speaker, and host of the Relationship Alchemy podcast, Marie-Elizabeth Mali.
Marie-Elizabeth was introduced to me by a Wise Money client who just knew we would hit it off. She was right! From the first time we met, it was obvious we would be fast friends.
Like myself, Marie Elizabeth had an awakening that changed her life.
In this fun and insightful conversation, Marie-Elizabeth shares her personal story of transformation. While married to “the perfect guy” and living “the perfect life,” she felt unsatisfied in her marriage.
Rather than settling for the security of companionship and trappings of success, Marie-Elizabeth divorced and embarked on her 3-year personal journey of self-exploration.
Marie-Elizabeth studied relationships, sexuality, and intimacy, ultimately determining that she was the obstacle to a deeply emotional connection in her marriage.
Emerging from her study a transformed woman, Marie-Elizabeth had discovered the elements necessary to convert empty, unfulfilling relationships into deep, connected, intimate relationships.
She calls her method: Relational Alchemy
Since its creation, Marie-Elizabeth has been using Relational Alchemy to help people turn empty, unfulfilling relationships into deeply connected, intimate partnerships.
Listen to this insightful episode, and you will learn:
- Healthy Relationship Skills and How to Acquire Them
- How to Respond Relationally When You Are Triggered
- Why It’s Important to Be Able to Invite the Things You Need From Your Partner
- The Impact of Marriage and the Marriage “Portal”
- How Childhood Experiences Sabotage Our Adult Relationships
Here are five of Marie-Elizabeth’s most meaningful quotes.
- In the West, we overvalue production. We sacrifice connection in the name of production, and discontent comes from feeling disconnected.
- To stay conscious, insert a short gap between getting upset and speaking. Then become curious.
- When your spouse sets you off, you can choose not to react poorly by becoming aware of your nervous system.
- People prefer to connect online – noticing the Likes on their last Facebook post – versus connecting with their partner sitting right next to them. Why? Because your brain likes what’s easiest and most pleasurable. Connecting with your spouse takes effort, vulnerability and it’s not always easy. Facebook is instantaneous.
- I discovered that I didn’t know how to invite and create what I wanted in the relationship. Instead of waiting until things were not as I wanted, I had to be the invitation of what I wanted.
[1:29] – I’m just so curious about and you speak three languages and, and you know, all the things I’m just so curious about your life, like, share some story, tell us a little bit of the story of Maria Elizabeth.
[4:56] – I find it fascinating how many times I go to dinner are for example, and there’s a couple sitting together in a nice dinner, even maybe a bottle of wine sitting on the table, and they’re both on their phones, you know, or watching TV and people are on their devices. And, you know, it’s it’s, we’re more connected than ever, but we’re more disconnected than ever at the same time.
[6:48] – such a good point you bring up is that we need to pay attention to this and try to stay connected. Because being isolated alone, although we might be able to distract ourselves or escape into the movie, we still have to be with that loneliness when that movie is over.
[10:27] – How do you bring yourself back to choosing what you want? Instead of settling for the default? That your jacked-up nervous system would have you do Instead?
[14:15] – So it’s much easier to go out and get those likes and feel good about it than it is to confront something that’s in the way of feeling good in your partnership.
[15:55] – Let’s talk about relationships; I am curious it sounds like, you know, you’re engaged to a great guy.
[22:20] – What do you see is, is kind of the unconscious patterns or behaviors, there’s something that’s happening that’s keeping good people from a great relationship?
[27:25] – What I hear you saying there as well, I think I hear you saying this, is that it’s so easy to think it’s our partner’s fault. Like, you know, if he or she just wouldn’t do this or that, and you know, that’s triggering, and they know, that upsets me or, you know, so it’s kind of pointing the finger. And what you’re saying is like, whether that’s true or not, how we respond to it is really the shift in the change.
[31:29] Good healthy relationships are the best place to grow. Like, if we are into personal growth, it’s because it’s a mirror.
[35:17] How to be vulnerable in a healthy relationship?
[41:46] – A good healthy relationship is not absent of conflict.
[46:27] – Strong, powerful, successful, bold women, who, you know, are very independent and capable. You know, no damsel in distress, let’s put it that way. So what is it? Have you found it more difficult for women? Are they in certain patterns? Is it making relationships more difficult? Or? Or is there anything unique to the, you know, more powerful, strong, successful, you know, say, very successful entrepreneur Woman?
[50:42] – The more we drop into our vulnerability and willingness to receive others as they are, the safer it becomes for them, too.
[55:01] How commitment opens the portal of freedom.
[1:00:42] – Hitting rock bottom changed everything for me.
That when “it’s meant to be,” it’s going to be easy and conflict-free; I think that is a huge myth that does a big disservice to relationships. Relationships have conflict. How you deal with the conflict and repair it differentiates a healthy relationship from an unhealthy one.