#273 Mastering the Message w/ Sam Horn

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Do you ever feel like you’re talking on eggshells?

Have you ever worried you’ll say the wrong thing and set someone off? 

Well, today Iā€™m thrilled to introduce  you to communication expert and coach, Sam Horn. 

With decades of experience and numerous bestselling books under her belt, Sam is truly a guru when it comes to mastering communication.

Sam and I first connected years ago at a conference and have since become fast friends. Sam is one of the women whom I adore and admire most. 

Today, Sam will share her wisdom on how to communicate effectively and compassionately, even during the toughest conversations.

Sam opens up about how her childhood shaped her conflict-avoidant mindset and how later, a toxic relationship taught her that our greatest strengths can become weaknesses when dealing with certain personality types.

She used those experiences to help others communicate with integrity.

Takeaways I Got From This Episode Were:

  • Ask “How would I feel?” to shift from frustration to empathy when someone is upset. Sam gave the example of an 85-year old volunteer who used this question to compassionately help an angry mother see her injured daughter.Ā šŸ¤”šŸ’¬
  • Use “proactive grace” – combine kindness with action. Don’t just think kind thoughts – take kind steps to help.šŸ™‚šŸ’”šŸ‘£
  • Introduce yourself by asking questions, not telling. As Sam said, “explanations inform people into a stupor.” Ask questions to kickstart a two-way conversation.šŸ¤ā“
  • At the end of a talk, share your name, where you’ll be, and options to continue the conversation – don’t just say thanks. šŸŽ™ļøšŸ‘„šŸ¤
  • Treasure each day. As Sam wisely said, “Every single day counts.” Don’t just try to get through it. šŸ—“ļøāœØšŸ’–

Here Are Five of My Favorite Quotes:

  1. “We are all born innocent. And at some point, we encounter evil. And at that point, we either become bitter, and we see the world as a dark place. Or we become an informed innocent.”
  2. “What we accept, we teach. And if we continue to be kind to people who are toxic, or who are cruel to us, rewarded behavior gets repeated.”
  3. “Every single day counts. You know, I have my Sunday is not a day in the week journal. And what I write first, every single day is every single day counts.” 
  4. “Expectations are resentments under construction.”
  5. “There are red capers, blue capers and gray capers. Red fight evil, blue do

     good. Gray just complain.”

Time Stamps:

  • [0:00:00] Introduction of Sam Horn by Krisstina Wise
  • [0:02:23] Krisstina asks Sam to share her life story that led to writing her latest book
  • [0:04:43] Sam shares about her childhood and toxic relationship that inspired her work
  • [0:14:01] Discussion of how Sam overcame her situation and became an “informed innocent”
  • [0:24:11] Sam shares a story about effective communication in a difficult situation
  • [0:31:03] Discussion of focusing on positivity rather than negativity
  • [0:35:37] Sam shares about being a “blue caper” and focusing on solutions
  • [0:50:12] Example of using “How would I feel?” to build empathy in conversations
  • [0:58:29] Advice on introducing yourself in a genuine way to start meaningful conversations
  • [1:05:27] Discussion of what to say instead of “Thank you” at the end of presentations

Sams Myth Buster

One of the big myths or norms that Sam wants to dispel is the idea that people often express of just trying to “get through the days.” She heard someone say this at the store recently, and it really bothered her because she believes that every single day counts. In her work, Sam aims to inspire people to think that each day is meaningful and to approach each day with gratitude, not just trying to get through it. Her message is that we shouldn’t let our days drift by without noticing them or appreciating them. Thinking of just getting through the days means our days may “cry” because we don’t acknowledge them or the opportunities within them. Sam’s view is that we should see value in each day and make the most of each one.

Links For Sam :

Sams New Book Talking on Eggshells


Connect with her on her socials.


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